“At some point in your adult life, you’ve probably walked into a party and felt a frisson of relief upon discovering at least one woman there who was fatter, uglier, and/or dressed more inappropriately than you. We sure have. But if you want to have any hope of making peace with your own body, you need to knock that shit off.
We’re not even telling you to stop just because it’s nasty, petty, and beneath you to judge other women so harshly; it is, but because you’re not a saint, and neither are we. We’re telling you to stop because it’s actually in your own self-interest to stop being such a bitch. ‘Cause you know what happens when you quit saying that crap about other women? You magically stop saying it about yourself so much, too.
Judging other women negatively creates a constant stream of nasty thoughts in your head. It is inevitable that you will end up applying those same standards to yourself. We think we’re building ourselves up when we do this but, really, we’re just tearing other people down to our level. And we hate to go all Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood on you, but tearing other people down isn’t really productive. It leaves you in the same place you started, which is full of loathing for your own body.”” —
Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby
I think I’ve reblogged this before but need to again because it is so, so, so filled with ultimate truth.
When a person does something or says something truly, legitimately offensive (even if they don’t realize it), and someone says “Hey, that’s offensive.” or “I’m offended by that.” etc, and the response, instead of “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this would offend people. I didn’t intend to offend anyone, but I did and I am sorry. I will try to learn from this for the future.” (best response) or even just “Why is it offensive?” (and being open/receptive to the answers, making it a learning experience) they say something like:
”I’m sorry that you feel that I offended you.”
That is the most backhanded way to say “Fuck you” to another person, who already called you out for being offensive in the first place. Way to show your true colors. I can give someone the benefit of the doubt, UNTIL those words exit their mouth.
Take your fake apologies, and shove them up your ass. I’d rather hear you actually SAY you don’t give a shit that you offended people, than to weasel your way out of taking responsibility for your actions and their consequences. I’d rather you just say you don’t care about how you made another person feel, than to hear that you think that your “intentions” mean anything through the eyes of someone else.
They don’t. Intentions don’t matter. Someone can’t “perceive” something “wrong.” If someone was offended by something you wrote, it is your responsibility to fix that, not their responsibility to understand what your intentions were and change their point of view to match yours.
So yeah, no fake apologies. Either you are sorry, or you aren’t. Be real.
That quote I just reblogged reminded me of a bottle of body lotion I purchased a couple of months ago. The lotion was Vanilla Cupcake scented (it smelled yummy!) and the packaging was cute and colorful, so I just tossed it in my shopping cart and went on my way.
It wasn’t until I got home that I read the back of the package: “The delicious scent of buttercream and sugary vanilla provide all of the decadence of dessert — without the guilt.”
“…for softening that feels like blissful indulgence.”
To me, stuff like that is so weird. I understand on an intellectual level that there are people out there with body/eating issues who actually would feel guilty about eating a cupcake, but I’ve never been one of them. Feeling guilty about eating something is such a foreign concept to me. It doesn’t matter what it is, if it doesn’t make me ill (like, food poisoning ill), I will not regret eating it. lol.
The only eating “issue” I’ve had stems from my social anxiety, and that is a general uncomfortableness with eating in public spaces. But I also have a fear of doing almost ANYTHING in a public space, so I don’t see that as anything to do with food itself.
Anyway, back on topic, the fact that companies use these insecurities and hang-ups people have to sell products is pretty gross. I know this goes WAY beyond food-scented body lotion. I just wanted to point out a specific, recent example I have seen.
Food is for sustenance, for keeping us alive and, most importantly, food is for joy. It’s meant to be shared with others, savored for its sensory pleasures, and appreciated for the feelings of closeness it generates between people. This is why we have cake at birthdays. Food itself does not have guilt—we assign it guilt because of something we feel about ourselves.” —
The Shameful Baker, who should change their name to The Shameless Baker.
And this is why I openly boycott any food that is sold with the words ‘sin’, ‘guilt-free’, ‘temptation’, et al. Eating chocolate is not like robbing banks or fondling children. Stop treating it like such.
She is. c:
well he hasn’t put a ring on it but my best dude totally follows me. i have been told we’re one of the cutest couples on tumblr. he’s also ten feet away from me on his own laptop right now. is that stopping us from chatting on skype? you bet your sweet ass it isn’t.
I forgot to mention a package arrived from the husband-to-be today with the only books I will probably have time to read this summer (cause of the GRE and I’m taking several classes in July)…
1) One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
2) After Dark - Haruki Murakami
3) Sapogonia - Ana Castillo
I think I’m most excited about Sapogonia. I’ll start with that.
I need to mail him a couple books now, too. Tell me which ones you want, Jonny. :) As for Murakami books, I’m still finishing Wind Up Bird Chronicle but I have Kafka on the Shore and Hard Boiled Wonderland… if you want those. I have a couple skeptic oriented books to recommend, Richard Dawkins’ Unweaving the Rainbow and Daniel Dennett’s Breaking the Spell. I can just send all 4 if you want.
but I’m REALLY not feeling like applying to grad school this Fall. I just want to graduate, and move on with my life…maybe take a few Spanish classes at the local community college in California when I move. Get a full time job and volunteer on the weekends. Maybe get my M.A. later on, when I pay off my student loan debt from undergrad. My passion will always be historical research, working in museum archives or libraries, and I know I can’t do that with just a Bachelors degree, but I’m just not that into years of grueling work right now.
Am I going crazy? I’ll still take the GRE next month, cause I already paid like $100 to take the test and I’m broke so that’s money I can’t afford to waste…so I’ll be good if I change my mind.
I’m not sure if I’m really getting turned off from grad school, or if studying for the GRE today discouraged me from even trying. I confuse myself.
I’m taking the GRE general test at the end of June. I decided to get in and take it right before the revised version comes out…well, I didn’t decide to, it was the only dates still open in my area when I registered for the exam in January (seriously).
I just cracked open my books to study today. I’m not feeling very confident about this. I can only answer the “easy” math questions correctly consistently. The rest are hit or miss. However, all the verbal stuff is so easy I don’t even have to read the instructions or the “tips” in the book, I just do the practice questions and I think I may have missed one today, out of a couple dozen.
I have a feeling this will be just like th SATs, in which I made like, 97% percentile score for Verbal and 15% percentile for math. *sigh*